Women are the absolute best, aren’t they? They can do so many things better than men: want proof? Well, they can do five things at once where men can only do two quite badly—an unfortunate scientific fact–—they can wink in a way which no man will ever be able to compete with and well–as far as smiling and giggling goes I defy any man who says that their smile will get them out of a parking fine–

And they can dance. Yep, you must have noticed this lads: women can dance amazingly, and it matters not in the least if their moves are terrible—just as terrible as the men, even—they are amazing anyway. What else?

1) Women look great while angry. Grr! When they get really angry and scream there’s something sexy about that. Providing that you’re far enough away that your ears didn’t just explode–

2) Women can write great. Yes, I am yet to meet a woman who can write truly badly; far as that goes men have the monopoly, I think. Even if you do find a woman who can write badly, you won’t be looking at the writing, so it won’t matter, will it?

3) Women can’t run, and why is that good? Well, it isn’t, but at least when they run a certain part of their anatomy which has a life of its own wobbles a la Baywatch. This more than makes up for it.

4) Women can put their hands on their hips and look incredibly sexy. What chance does a man have to do the same?

5) Women can smoke and look like movie goddesses, without even trying, hand held high, a look of class about them. A man will have a smoke while scratching a certain part of his anatomy, which just isn’t the same thing at all–